once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
