There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
