Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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