You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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