Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
