If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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