They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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