grandma shit on top of the toilet
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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