THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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