I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
