a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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