Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
