She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
