they need to just BURY HIM!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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