operation harelip BJ is a go
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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