And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
