I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
