help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So vagazzling was a success
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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