It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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