with your own penis?
I got chris browned last night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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