if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
