It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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