We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
