I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
