Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
