i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
