I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
