just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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