there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
