and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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