dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
