I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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