your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
