Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
