I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
