Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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