I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
