think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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