Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
