DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
