I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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