I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bring me that man meat
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
