Whatcha textin bout Willis?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
