you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
