The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
