We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
