I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
