i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
