he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
