so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this will be a night to untag.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
