I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
