Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
